The holidays are over! Yay! The skies have quieted a bit, but there are still remnants of the craziness associated with the holidays. Here’s this weeks’ highlights.
Soooo L.A.
During boarding, the captain and the lead flight attendant were greeting passengers as they boarded. A middle aged lady boarded from Los Angeles to New York. She steps onto the aircraft, approaches the flight attendant and says:
“May I have my lead vest please?”
“Sorry maam?”
“My lead vest.”
Blinking, “Come again?”
Lady exhales heavily. “ I saw on the TV that if you fly above 20,000 feet the sun’s rays can be very harmful to you, so I need a vest to protect me.”
At this point the captain steps in, glances sideways at the flight attendant and says,
“Where are you sitting maam?”
“3D.”
“Ah excellent. You are in an aisle seat and we are flying from west to east so the sun will be behind us. Plus the aisle seat isn’t as exposed to the sun’s rays as much as window seat. You were pretty smart to book an aisle seat.”
Her chest puffs up and she replies, “Yup! Can’t get nothing by me.” Then she spins on her heels and walks to her seat.
Haven't you heard? Airlines are now handing out lead vests upon boarding.
My New Year Drunk
Boarding from Orlando to Syracuse a man rolls up in a wheelchair, stands up then falls flat on his face. His face was plastered onto the floor. His glasses slid over to my feet and his hat was off his head. I leaped to peel him off the floor with the help of another passenger. Since he came in a wheelchair, I assumed he was disabled in some way. Not wanting to hurt him further I ask him, “How can we help you up sir?”
He’s on his knees now, turns and looks up at me and it was as if I were at the bar with him.
“Yesh! I’m defffnitely g-g-gonna need shomme help.” I could have gotten drunk off the alcohol fumes on his breath.
His wife, who was a few passengers behind him, pushed her way forward and yells, “Where’s your carry-on?”
I look up at her, clearly annoyed at this point, “He’s on his face and you’re worried about his carry-on?”
Apparently, her husband falling down drunk is commonplace because she didn’t seem too worried. All her concern was for the luggage.
The wheelchair was still behind him. I tried to get him into the chair. By this time the passenger who was helping me was long gone. He realized the man was drunk and was outta there. Can’t say I blame him.
The man refused to sit down into wheelchair and insisted on boarding.
“Sir how much have you had to drink today?”
“Today? Ummm, three.”
“Three what, bottles?
“I’m not drunk. I’ve only had one drink.”
“Sir I’m afraid we can’t board you.”
I handed him his cane and his hat. But this dude would not sit down. I looked at the wheelchair attendant (who’s been looking at us this whole time) and said, “Nudge his knees with the chair. We need to continue boarding.” It didn’t take much of a nudge, he went down like a sack of potatoes and was promptly wheeled away.
