2011 Bad Pickney (Kids) Edition

Happy New Year!  Yes I am way late but you must forgive me.  The last three months have been an emotional roller coaster.  I went through a break-up, which  meant I had to move into a new apartment and get a car because walking in Florida ain’t cute.  There are sidewalks!  So you forgive me?  Good, let’s move on.

This year’s first post is about kids who have no behavior.  There are very few children who have any manners out in public.  When a child speaks to me in a complete sentence and says “Please” and “Thank you” it warms my heart and I congratulate them on their fine manners and thank the parents as well.  Then I shower them with all the cookies they can eat and subsequently vomit.

I don’t like the screaming.  Crying I can handle.  The screaming tears its way into my body and makes me wanna rip my ears off.  Parents, practice telling your children “NO” at home.  This way when you come out in public you can save face because your wonderful peanut is now embarrassing you by taking a  bottle a vodka from the Duty Free shelf.  True story.

Please don’t act as if you are horrified when your kids throw tantrums in public.  They do the same thing at home and you quickly give them what they want to silence them.  So how do you expect the behavior to change when they need to keep their seatbelt on and they want to run about the cabin?  Of course they are going to scream and kick the seat in front of them like a wild mustang that needs to be broken.   The seatbelt is restricting their desire to roam during turbulence or better yet, take off.

Snack Time

During snack service a little boy about 8 asked for a particular brand of chips.  Flight attendant A told him she was out of the chips he wanted.  This kid breaks down with full fledged bawling with snot peeking out of his nose.  A learned over to him and said, “It’s not the end of the world buddy.”

Oblivious Parents

It’s always telling when parents decide to sit together and sit across from the kids.  It looks as if they don’t even like their kids.  From a safety perspective, it’s ideal when each parent sits with the kids in case the oxygen masks fall during a decompression.  It will be really hard to don your mask then get up or reach across the aisle to get your kids’ oxygen masks on.  Better pick which one you like the most because somebody is not gonna make it that situation.

Flight attendant J was in her galley when the call button rang.  She went to the seat and saw that it was a little girl who rang the button.

Flight attendant J: “Yes dear?”

Girl: “Um I lost something.”

Flight attendant J: “What did you lose dear?”

Girl: “Um I don’t know.  Can you help me look for it?”

J looks over and sees the parents completely oblivious, eyes glued to their TV monitors.

“Excuse me.  Are you her parents?”

Dad: “Yes we are.”

Flight attendant J: “She lost something.” Then she spun her heels and returned to her galley.

For the record, flight attendants don’t transform into your kids nannies or their pseudo parent as soon as you all board.  Your responsibilities as a parent still exist on an aircraft.

Grab and Run

I was sitting on my jumpseat in the back galley when a mom exits the bathroom with her little son.  She closed the bathroom door with her hip, but not before the cigarette ashtray caught his eye.  In a swift movement, the boy yanked the ashtray from the door and bolted up the aisle.  I couldn’t help but laugh as his mom chased him:

“Tyler! Tyler! Come back here!”

Unaccompanied mayhem

An  11 year old boy was traveling by himself as an unaccompanied minor.  I was working up front, so he was my responsibility.  This boy rang the call button at least four times while I was right in front of him to ask for a Sprite.  On his fifth attempt, I stopped him midstream as his grubby little finger was about to hit the call button again.  I hissed:

“Don’t you dare ring that again! I am right here!”

Kid: “Can I have another Sprite?”

Diana: “No. How about some water?  Have you been to the bathroom yet with all those Sprites you just drank?  Touch that call button again ….”