How to Sh*t on an Airplane. Tips from a flight attendant on how to use the bathroom when flying.

Let’s not kid ourselves, we’ve all been there.  Sometimes that airport sandwich with the bad mayo can cause a rumble in your belly of epic proportions.  Next thing you know, you’ve gotta go.  For those of you who feel shy or intimidated about using the airplane bathrooms, this article is for you. For those of you who aren’t concerned about your bathroom etiquette this is you too, you nasty….

If only the bathrooms can stay clean like this always! *Sigh*

Flight crews are stuck on airplanes all day long.  We have no other choice but to use the Porto potties in the sky.  I’ve quizzed my fellow flight attendants on their methods for doing the Number Two and decided to share them with you.

Tips from flight attendants

1. M- A 15 year flight attendant says he likes to drop a few facial tissues in the bowl to avoid streak marks.

1. T- An 11 year flight attendant takes small bottle of her favorite home cleaner, Fabuloso and cleans out the bathroom before she uses it.  “I like to feel like I’m at home so I make the extra effort to thoroughly clean the bathroom,” she says.

1. Take a small bottle of air freshener in with you.  These air fresheners are a flight attendants best friend.  Our jump seats are located in very close proximity to the toilets. Consider our jump seats our offices and our break rooms. We eat on our jump seats and sometimes the stench that follows some passengers out of the bathrooms is enough to make us throw up our lunch.  So, being able to whip out the air freshener in a matter of seconds is important to our sanity and digestive system.

1. Courtesy Flush: Airplane toilets are equipped with powerful vacuums, so please press that flush button a much as possible.  Don’t marinate in your own scent.

Best Times to Go

As a passenger, the best time to go is as soon as the captain turns off the fasten seatbelt sign.  By this time, flight attendants are out in the aisle taking drink orders and other passengers are pre-occupied with placing their orders. There isn’t normally a line at this time because other passengers are still settling in to the flight, reading or deciding what movies they will be purchasing.

Normally, an hour after drink and food service the lavatory lines can get long.  Wait, if you can for the initial rush to subside and then ease on inside.

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Editor’s Note: Happy 2012 everyone!  Yes, this is how I’d like to start my next year in blogging.  I wanna see clean bathrooms people! I am very appreciative for another year of your support and comments.  Thanks, so very very much.  As we dive further into 2012, keep spreading the word about this blog and I promise to give you consistent content.